Butterflies

LOOK THROUGH EYES OF HOPE AND SEE
A BUTTERFLY INSIDE THE CATERPILLAR, HOPE
KNOWS THAT BEAUTY IS WAITING TO BE
BORN IN THE UNLIKELIEST PLACES…
- Thea Miller Ryan

I figured she was another nine-year old with typical nine-year old problems. Next to her name it said “sinus infection”…about the fifth one that day. I walked in, introduced myself, took a history, did a physical exam, and agreed she probably did have a sinus infection. I explained to her mother we would likely give her a prescription, and asked if they had any other questions before I went to get the doctor.

Well, we did want to have a discussion about her ADHD medications. She started to explain the ADHD regimen when her daughter, my patient, interrupted her. She brushed her curls out of her face and looked up at me with large expressive eyes and stated: I would like to talk about this, if I could? Without hesitation, she began.

Ever since I started taking my medicine things have been better. I am able to concentrate better in class, and even my teacher says I am doing a good job. The problem is that I don’t feel like me anymore. The only way I can explain it is like, you know when you get really excited about something, like your birthday, and you get those butterflies in your stomach that fly into your chest? Well, my butterflies…are gone.

I stood there, realizing this was the most eloquent thing I had ever heard a nine-year old say. And that’s when I had my moment…my “doctor moment” as I like to think of it. I embarked on this journey to become a physician, and there have been many experiences along the way reinforcing my decision. But this was my first “moment” with a real live patient when I truly felt passionate about becoming a doctor. And at this moment I wasn’t scanning my memory for some snippet of pharmacology I might or might not have learned regarding her medication’s side effects. Instead, all I could think of was this girl’s butterflies, and how badly I wanted to return them to her.

The rest of the story is kind of boring. Her medication dose was lowered slightly, and she was scheduled to follow up in a few weeks. Of course, my rotation ended, I moved on, and I never saw her again. She will never know that her words, simple and pure, have been a source of inspiration for me. Now, on days that are long and hard, when my alarm goes off at 3:30 a.m., or when I’ve stood for far too long holding a retractor, I remember what she shared…and thankfully it reminds me why I’m here.

- CASSIE LATTA KARLSSON